What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
My biggest problem with having three square meals a day is that all my plates are round.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
How do Chinese people make cutlery?
They chopsticks.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter.
"Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot."
"Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
My wife has this weird OCD where she arranges the dinner plates by the year they were bought.
It is an extremely rare dish order.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
Almost dropped a plate of Alphabeti Spaghetti. That could have spelled disaster.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
How do you call a straw used for drinking orangeade?
Fantastick.
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
What do you call a knife that cuts 4 loaves of Irish bread at once?
A four loaf cleaver!
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
How is Europe like a frying pan?
It has Greece at the bottom.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
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