Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
Got emotional hearing about the role of tectonic plates in earthquakes. It was really moving.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
When whisking something, do it with caution.
It’s whisky business.
Lost my bread knife the other day..
I'm absolutely gutted...we've been through thick and thin
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
So my daughter is calling me all excited. I come by her room to her holding her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."
"I'm breathing underwater."
I left my job at the Chinese restaurant and took my favourite frying pan, until I heard the owner yell...
"Don’t wok away from me!"
How do you make garlic toast? Lift your glass and talk about the wonderful things it has done.
What the Poland man did, after adding German mugs to his collection?
He polished them.
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
I must say, my wife's cooking has really improved.
That was the best slice of soup I've ever had.
I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?
Silverware?!
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
Justice is a dish best served cold
Because otherwise it would be justwater.
A kitchen knife and fork had a race. Who won? Neither, it ended in a drawer.
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
When you lick the icing off a spoon are you defrosting it?
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Did you hear about the fellow who threw away his new iron skillet?
It smelt funny...
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.
I’m sure it’s saucer ‘E’.
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
A brief Wellington
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
I came to a fork in the road.
I proceeded to pick it up.
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