I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "
Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked
Minding my own business, when someone I thought was my friend threw a serving plate full of bumblebees at me.
I was bee-trayed.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I met a man with a glass eye this morning...
He didn’t tell me, it just came out in the conversation
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
What do you call someone who labels jars of body parts?
An organiser.
Why was the jar about to explode?
Cause it was jam-packed!
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
What do you call a cap to a jar that doesn't fit?
An invalid.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
They’ve started a collection to open a pool near me. I gave them a glass of water.
Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Anybody who can complete tasks atop the surface of their lower kitchen cabinets is...
counter productive.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Is plate throwing a trully Olympic sport?
Discuss.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
I have a high shelf in my kitchen to store meat. It’s safe to say...
The steaks are high.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer.
They’re practicing for the cup.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
Why was the door glass?
Because the door was ajar
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
The other day a man tried to mug me with a blunt knife...
It was pointless.
My friend just got 3 kittens named Spoon, Fork, and Knife. When I asked why those names, they smiled and said, "Isn't it obvious?"
"They're catlery"
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn't even know he could play.
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