How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
I was served by a former police officer at my local Applebee’s, I asked for a cup of water and he gave me a cup of ice instead and said
“Just-ice has been served”
Why did the fork feel kinky near the spoon?
Because it was a tease spoon.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
I saw an Italian man cooking pasta with a flame thrower.
I cannoli imagine what he was thinking.
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
If you try to stretch a fork to see if it breaks...
Are you testing its utensil strength?
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
I really hate straws.
They suck.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
My friend has an excellent nose for wine...
It's shaped like a corkscrew!
I was watching a new cooking show where you only get to pick one pan to use the whole time…
It's called, "Do You Have The Skillet Takes?!"
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
When my doc said that my kitchenware diet was bad for my bowels, I crapped my pans.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
Last night while cooking, my serving spoon's handle broke off. My husband walked in and said:
How very un-ladle-like!
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I was looking forward to eat my rice bowl.
But my brother, like always, ate them. And now he's experiencing really bad headaches.
I guess it's because he has a history of having my-grains.
If I put dull-tasting food in a bowl, will it have a bowlder taste?
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
What's a chef's favourite drug?
Pot.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
How do cups get their money?
They mug people.
I'm going around with a bent knife, so that when I'm short on time, I can cut corners.
My car keeps telling me my door is ajar. It's not a jar you idiot it's a door.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
My husband Ronnald asked me what do monkeys wear when cooking.
I said, "an aperon".
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
I was watching an Australian cooking show recently and the audience began applauding when the chef made meringue. Which is odd because...
Australians usually boo meringue.
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