Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
Why were the utensils stuck together?
They were spooning.
Had to my dinner with just a knife and spoon last night...
It wasn't easy, but that's a fork-gone conclusion.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
What did the plate say to the refrigerator?
"Stay cool. Dinner's on me"
My wife asked, “Honey, could you reach that dish on the top shelf? It’s too high for me.”
It was a challenge, but I stepped up to the plate.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
What happens when you drink beer from a cup?
You both get drunk.
why did the spoon show up dressed as a knife ?
Invitation said to look sharp.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What do you call a bad cheese grater?
A cheese lesser.
I gave my dad a mug for his birthday
It said "World's greatest dad". When I gave it to him he looked kind of insulted. Is something wrong with it I asked? He replied, "You spelled 'dad' backwards"
I used to have an electric wok but I had to get rid of it
Wouldn’t run.
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
Took my giant spoon to my cooking class last night. It caused quite a stir.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
Someone took all my straw
What a Hay-nous act!
Why did the blind man always use paper cups?
He has no need for glasses.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
My wife won a large ceramic pot
She definitely urned it.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
I lost my kid in the kitchenware section of Ikea today.
It was a pans labyrinth.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
What do you call a very sad cup of coffee?
A depresso.
If prisoners could take their own mug shots...
Would they be called cellfies?
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
A baker fell down the stairs with a platter full of cookies.
As they say, that's the way the cookies crumbled.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
What happened to the dull knife's application?
It was turned down, he just couldn't make the cut.
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
Where do you bury dead cutlery?
In it's final resting plates.
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
I forgot my fork so tried to eat my lunch with just a spoon. It was pointless.
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