Why can't you use a wooden spoon in a Teflon pan?
Because its non stick.
I just landed a job at a local Asian restaurant.
All I had to do was wok in for my interview!
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
What is the dish that likes using the light switch?
StrogONOFF
My son told me he can drink a whole glass a whiskey straight.
Personally, I think it's neat.
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
I got tired of fighting straw...
So I hit the hay.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
My wife just threw out our computer, shattering all the glass.
I guess she doesn’t like windows.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
My wife wants to start selling kitchenware online.
I just don't see it panning out.
Why did Don Corleone send back the plate for his coffee cup?
Someone gave him a saucer he could not reuse.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
Be careful what you say about those plates in the cabinet.
They're stacked.
Once we had a cooking exam. After I finished, teacher said, that it was well done
But I made Medium Rare.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
I didn't get this "World's Greatest Dad" mug for nothing.
It cost $14.99
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
Who will lead the army of drawing utensils?
The ruler.
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
My son asked me where the pan was.
I told him, naturally, it went on a wok.
What do you call a monk who steals a grilled cheese sandwich right off the griddle?
Out of the frying pan and into the friar.
What do you call a decent cup of coffee?
Just an average joe.
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
How do you make cheese even better?
You use a cheese grater of course!
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
Local glass blower inhaled whilst working. He ended up with a pane in his stomach.
My girlfriend was arrested for assault using an iron skillet
We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried.
Did you hear about the spoon? It caused quite a stir!
I ate a spoon of food color...
Now i'm dying inside.
My son took his jar collection way too far
When I came home from work I thought the house was robbed because the door was ajar.
How do you call clothings for spoons?
Silverwear
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
I watched an eclipse through my colander, now I’ve strained my eyes.
What do you call a cat sitting on a platter?
A Platterpuss.
Have you ever tried sticking a fork in a socket?
The results may shock you
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
A wun.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
It’s amazing how most jars look alike...
The resemblance is uncanny
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
My kid was having trouble with the peanut butter because the jar was too deep and the knife was too short
I tried to help, but I couldn’t get to the bottom of it
I started carrying a knife after an attempted mugging.
Since then, my muggings have been far more successful.
Why did the female chef win the cook-off?
Because cheese grater!
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