What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
I accidentally sat on a medieval stained glass window at the antique store...
That was a royal pane in the ass.
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
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