What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Go to BabaMail
