What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
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