After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
What were cooking shows in ancient Egypt called:
Wok like an Egyptian.
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you call a vegetarian Viking?
Norvegan.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
Why is the Medieval period often called the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death.
"Jokes on you," I said. "If I die in battle, I'll go straight to Valhalla."
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
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