Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
One fundamental lesson our teacher has taught us in History class while talking about the Civil War was never to take victory for Grant-ed.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
To get to the other tide.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
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