What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
What type of food do mummies like?
Chicken wraps.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
A great knight became all discombobulated and lost his weapons...
He was all out of swords.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
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