What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
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