How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What did Richard III say when someone asked to build a car park in Leicester?
"Over my dead body!"
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
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