What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
Medieval scientists were known to be very arrogant and stubborn. They thought that everything revolved around them!
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
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