What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
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