I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
-
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
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