Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
-
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
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