I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
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