Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
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