Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What do you call a book on underwater gardening?
A self-kelp book.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
I beg your garden?
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
What’s the easiest way to stop a dog from digging in the garden?
Take away his shovel!
All things must grass.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
In the eyes of the lawn.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
We’re mint to be.
It’s party thyme.
Do you need some encourage-mint?
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
I’ll never leaf you.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
In on the ground flora.
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
One trick peony.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
I’m kind of a big dill.
I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
That’s a bit mulch.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
You’re unbeleafable.
Your good seed for the day.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
One more thyme.
Go to BabaMail
