What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Any self-respecting rock will break at least one shovel before accepting its new home.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
How do you know if you're a bad gardener?
All the rocks in your garden went belly up!
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
After a year of waiting, my publisher finally approved my book on gardening
It's about Thyme.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
All dressed up and nowhere to grow.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
Let me plant one on ya!
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
Why did the gardener need a cork?
Because his garden sprung a leek!
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
What’s a gardener’s favorite Harrison Ford film? Raiders of the Lost Bark.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
What does a gardener call the tree surgeon who also makes a great cup of coffee?
Arbor-ista.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Have you botany plants lately?
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Go to BabaMail
