Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
New Year's resolution for the bankrupt gardener was to forget the past and rely on the fuchsia...
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
One trick peony.
Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
Why is The Hulk such a good gardener? Because he’s got green fingers.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
That’s a bit mulch.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Seed between the lines.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
All clover the world.
I’m kind of a big dill.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
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