I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
Leaf me alone.
Have you botany plants lately?
That’s a bit mulch.
I’ve started to plant my herbs in alphabetical order. People ask me how I find the time. I tell them “it’s next to the sage”.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
I started an insurance company for flower and gardening businesses...
It's called "oopsie daisies."
Trowel and error.
Let me plant one on ya!
Long thyme no see.
What kind of garden flowers grow in outer space?
Moonflowers, Sunflowers, Star Clusters, and Cosmos.
When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
In on the ground flora.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
I’ve always been afraid of gardening.
But then I decided to grow a pear.
All things must grass.
Why was the gardener so embarrassed? He wet his plants!
What’s the name of the gardener’s favorite show? Lawn and order.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
Don’t moss around.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
I’ll never leaf you.
Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Herb your enthusiasm.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
One more thyme.
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
One trick peony.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
What rock would you find inside a garden shed?
Shedimentary.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
Why do gardeners plant bulbs? So the worms can see where they’re going.
I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
Seed between the lines.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
Go to BabaMail
