Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
Seed between the lines.
I beg your garden?
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
All clover the world.
Why are shovels, trowels, and spades so common in down-to-earth novels and movies?
Because they're plot devices.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
Farmers are real experts, they are often outstanding in their fields.
I’m kind of a big dill.
I’ll never leaf you.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
Do you need some encourage-mint?
Leaf me alone.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
My local garden center is doing buy one, get one free on manure. Don’t sniff at this offer.
Who needs friends when you’ve got anemones?
What is the wise gardener's mantra?
Weed 'Em and Reap!
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
What do you call a grumpy and short-tempered gardener?
A Snapdragon.
You’re unbeleafable.
Yet again, someone has added more soil to my allotment. The plot thickens…
Trowel and error.
Let’s take a leaf of faith.
One trick peony.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
Why was the gardener so busy over the weekend?
He had a long honeydew list.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
Why did the gardener think her plant was sick?
It was looking very green.
Your good weed for the day.
How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
I'm a gardener and I'm OK
I sleep all night and I plant all day!
I dress in grubby clothing and hang around with slugs.
Oh I'm happy in the garden
With dirt and plants and bugs.
What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
Let me plant one on ya!
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