I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
I've come up with a list of the top 10 types of specialized chairs.
Number 3 will shock you
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I couldn't chair less!
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
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