Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
How do you call an extremely soothing table?
A console
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
How do you move a piece of furniture at the weather station?
With four casters.
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
He was getting sweepy
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
I think i spent way too much on this table. It is just not a foldable.
I accidentally kicked my bed post when I got up this morning, almost couldn't move!
Luckilly, I called a toe truck.
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
My wife chose a new dining table with a metal frame instead of a wooden one
I complimented her on picking an unteak.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
What do you call a blessed blanket?
Holy sheet
I couldn't chair less!
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the dining room furniture... But when I got home, the tables were turned
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
I love my furniture... Me and my recliner go way back.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
Nothing really mattress.
How many drum sets can you store on a sofa?
One per cushion
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
How do you get into an all glass China cabinet?
Sorry, that's glassified.
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