I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
If you're wondering what to donate to a soup kitchen...
...a dining set would be chair-i-table
What pillow set do the church organist and his wife have?
Hymn and Hers.
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
My office chair broke. It’s letting me down.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What did the baseball player say when the flight attendant asked what seat he was in?
"Put me in coach."
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What did the pillow say when the blanket asked it to come hang out?
I'm down
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I used to hate the electric blanket.
But the last few nights I’ve been warming up to it.
What do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
Stand corrected
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
My husband hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then he sat on it.
Eventually he came around.
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
How do you get more bounce in a water bed?
Put some spring water in it
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
I know a good joke about Ikea furniture, but I'm still putting it together.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
I started sleeping on the left side of the bed
It just doesn't feel right.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
How is a shoddy furniture manufacturer like a bag of prunes?
They both create loose stools.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
What kind of blanket has the most patience?
A weighted blanket.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
I put some desks and a whiteboard in my living room today.
It made it look a little more classy.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
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