I have some extra chairs in my garage for emergency seat-uations.
My wife asked if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start but I made it.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
What do you call an artistic piece of furniture?
A drawer
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
My wife said we needed to have a serious talk about my obsession with furniture.
I said we could table it for now.
Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and thinking to myself....
Where the heck is my roof ?
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
Why is IKEA the cheapest place to get furniture?
Because they have some Swede deals!
I was going to replace the seats at my bar
But... I just can't look at another stool sample
Why does a milking chair only have three legs?
The cow has the udder.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
A student made our teacher so angry, they flipped their desk
Oh, the tables have turned
Remind me not to get into another pillow fight... the risk for a concushion is too big.
I think the final paragraph of my essay is on the top shelf...
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
What did the first plate say to the second plate?
"Dinner's on me!"
I said to my doctor, "I usually sit on the computer 12 hours a day...is that bad?"
He replied, "That can't be too comfortable. Try a chair!"
My friend was bragging about his new L-shaped sofa, so I told him I had one too.
It's just lowercase.
Why does your laptop have a blanket on it?
It's on sleep mode.
What do you call donating a chair?
Charity!
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
My wife was a bit down so I decided to redecorate our living room.
Thought it would chair her up but sofa she haven't even noticed
I'm never sure if I like rocking chairs or not.
I go back and forth on them
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
What do you do with a wardrobe door that is slightly ajar?
You clothes it.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
Nothing really mattress.
What’s a farmer’s favorite piece of furniture?
a COWch.
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
Two cabinets walk out of a bar...
One says to the other, "you walking home?" and the other replies, "Nah, I'm cabinet."
What happens when a closet goes into fighting?
It turns into a wardrobe.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
I feel a bit bad for making blanket statements.....
They're my quilty pleasure
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
Why doesn't james bond fart in bed?
Because it'll blow his cover
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
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