Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
Why does the jellybean go to school? Because he wants to become a smartie.
What's a ghost with a broken leg called? A hoblin goblin.
One of my kitchen utensils seems to be playing classical music.
Think it’s the Chopin board.
Why can't you tell a joke while ice fishing? Because it'll crack you up!.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
Don’t be hay-tin on autumn!
Why was the wheelchair basketball team banned from the Paralympics?
They all tested positive for WD-40.
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
I got this new chapstick today...
It's the balm!
A friend of mine lost the right side of of his brain in a car accident, but he wouldn’t stop drinking and driving.
No one in their right mind would do that.
Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?
Because other people took the bait.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
Every time I hang out my laundry, I can't resist singing "Nine to Five" ...
Guess that's what I get for using Dolly pegs.
Why are ghouls so healthy?
They always eat fresh food!
Sheena leads, Sheila needs.
I was only taught 22 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know Y TBH.
I’m fondue you.
Whats the distant cousin of the werewolf?
The way over therewolf.
When a gardener asks you how much you love them, you could try the effective – I love you from my head to-ma-toes.
"Happy Easter to all my peeps."
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
Why do all kids want to be an astronaut?
Because there is no pressure.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
I keep looking at our upstage platform that is designed with only a ladder for access. It's just so hard not to stair.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
I'm pine-ing for you.
Where do werewolves store their things?
In a were-house.
What do you call a turtle in a chef’s hat?
A slow cooker.
How did Michael Jackson revolutionize cooking in space?
Moon Wok!
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.
Why are the railroad tracks angry? Because people are always crossing them.
How do you make Ohio State University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
What did the frustrated doctor say to the nurse?
Gauze dammit!
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.
The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.
Purple paper people, purple paper people, purple paper people.
The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
What do plants and homies have in common?
I love watching them grow.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
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