Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Of all the best pieces of wolf advice, this is my favorite, “stand fur what you believe”
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
What did the mother brain say to her oldest child when it was bothering her youngest child?
It didn't want to get brain-washed.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
What do you call a person really crazy about the moon
A lunatic.
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
Some people have to stop telling meat puns, because they simply butcher every single joke.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
Why isn't your daughter married? Because a gourd man is hard to find.
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
"I'm so egg-cited, I just can't hide it."
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
HELP! It's a taco emergency!
Dial 9 Juan Juan!
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
"Have you seen our toilet roll?" asked my wife.
"Don't be silly," I replied.
"A toilet is a stationary object."
What do you call a person who illegally delivers hugs from country to country?
An international snuggler
Why did the burglar break into the bakery? Because he heard the cakes were rich.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Let’s take an elfie.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
How do little avocados get what they want?
They spread it on thick.
What dd the man in the moon do when his hair got too long? Eclipse it.
What do you call a skeleton's favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
I really hate rock puns.
My sediments exactly.
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
There was a bull in the neighborhood who would always vandalize my farm. Guess it was because I harvested Spanish onions.
Why shouldn’t you take corn on an airplane?
Your ears will pop!
Everyone loves my Halloween costume, but I still see room for improvement.
I guess I'm an ogre-achiever.
Dracula is vegan, he can't take any risks. One stake could kill him.
I’ve found that dressing up like this has truly been an en-witching experience.
How do you defeat a meat-loving vampire? With a steak to the heart!
Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
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