Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
Wanna know what I said when I got hit by a water gun?
H2Oww
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
Local weather reports state there won't be any rain for 1 year, but I drought it.
What did the copy machine say when it spilled it’s skincare?
"Oh no, that was my toner"
Can I be Candide with you?
Why are beavers so good in maths? They love log'arithms.
If a four-legged animal a quadruped and a two-legged animal is a biped, what’s a tiger?
Stri-ped.
A new car has been launched especially for American cowboys
The Audi Partner.
What do you call an onion that is very valuable to jewelers? You call it a pearl onion.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
Two fruit flies are out for dinner.
I'm really enjoy this date...”
“Yeah, but it’s only half rotten.”
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
After 30 years of marriage, I can both proudly and firmly declare that I still wear the pants in my family...
My wife just tells me which ones to wear.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
What do you call a train that sneezes? Achoo-choo train.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
My friend was telling me about how a shark attacked her while she was diving
I told her, that bites.
This year, I've really enjoyed watching 'Planet Earth'.
It's a shame that it only has four seasons.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
My doctor forgot to document my blood type.
It was a typo.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a cow?
A kanga-moo.
Seven days without a pun makes one weak.
Trying to find a new place, I don’t need mushroom.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Why doesn’t the squirrel accept cash or credit at his store? Because it only accepts cash.
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
What did the ghost who crashed the Halloween party say? - I’m here for the boos!
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
The doctor told me to get in a bathtub full of milk to soothe my sunburn, I asked him 'pasteurized?'
He said 'No, just up to your neck'
Go to BabaMail
