Why was the artist in an argument? She wanted to have the final clay.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
How did the ghost get from New York to London? British Scare-ways.
How did the roommate who stole the last avocado from the fruit bowl justify her thievery?
“I know it’s wrong, but it feels so ripe!”
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
How do bats greet a friend?
With a sound wave.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
What’s a skeleton’s next favorite rock band?
Bone Jovi.
Crowing, crowing, gone.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
Did you hear of the new disease going through France?
I've heard it was a Paris-ite.
What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Beaver Y.
Beaver Y. who?
Bea-ver-y quiet, you are in a library.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??
Shrekspeare.
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
What’s the most disgusting type of nut?
The cash-ew.
How does a napkin sneeze?
Tissue.
There’s a hair in my wine. The grapes must have been fur-mented.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
What does a worry wart drink? Safe-Tea.
It's weird being colorblind in an art gallery. Everything's a pigment of the imagination.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
What do you call a talkative drink? Chai Tea.
Why was the salad late to the dinner party?
He was waiting for his wife to get dressing.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
Prepare to be bowled over.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
“Elves are always defending the shape of their ears. They make some good points.”
What did the Mexican wrestler say after he ate a taco that was too spicy?
“It’s okay, I’ll just guac it off”
Why did the volleyball players like to practice in the library? Their coach said that they’d be doing some reading today.
Do you know what firemen often add to their soup? – They add firecrackers.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
At a restaurant, the peach said, "Hey, I would like a peach of cake for dessert, thank you!"
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Did you hear about the panda that had a slight stutter?
Seems it’s a story that bears repeating.
Did you hear about the neutron who was arrested?
He was released without charge.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
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