Gold riddance.
What's an egg's favorite tree?
A y-oak tree.
I for one
is something you might do if you had a broken keyboard
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Too bad my serve hit the tape. Well, at least they’ll LET me hit it again.
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
Why did the pirate have a pumpkin strapped to his arm?
He was a squash-buckler.
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
You have to hunt down a troll and kill it with a gun. After you find it, you accidently lose sight of it. In rage, you fire your gun. The bullets hit the troll and it dies.
What do you tell the person who sent you on the quest?
- I lost gun-trol.
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
What do you call a pumpkin that can slam dunk a basketball?
Michael Gourdan.
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
I’ll never leaf you.
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
Where does Snowy the snow man hide his money?
In a snow bank.
What did the witch say to people who visited her house?
Come sit for a spell!
I like you a latke!
Was there a spark between Frankenstein and his bride?
Yes, he simply couldn’t resistor.
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.
"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"
A shepherds spy.
After bidding farewell to my neurosurgeon friend, we promised that we would grey in touch!
Irish I had another Guinness to drink.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
I'm a sock cutter and I cut socks.
What do you call a clever monster?
Frank Einstein.
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
What do you call a hangover when you're alone in Spain?
Barf-a-lona.
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
Dolphins don't have accidents.
They do everything on porpoise.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
The density of this concrete leads me to believe one thing: it is a hard court.
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
Tonight my wife was making dinner and she was using some fresh peas. She dropped some on the floor.
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
Where in the World Can You Find the Highest Concentration of Engineers?
Antarctica! Because that's where all the P. Enguins are!
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
What does the like to parrot wear to the beach? A beak-ini!
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
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