In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
What travels all over the world, but stays in a corner?
A stamp
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
I used to hate my husband's cologne...
But then it started to rub off on me.
When should astronauts retire?
When they start spacing out.
What’s a racehorse’s favorite clothing brand? Jockey.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.
Who answers the door at the nut house?
The peanut buttler.
"Reti or not, here I come!"
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain.
One fish said, “Quick, let’s swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!”
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
Why did the ski instructor's love life always go downhill? The first thing the ladies noticed about him was his giant slalom.
Why are bones so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
There might be other fish in the sea, but you’re my sole mate
What is the biggest type of bed ?
The sea bed.
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
What jumps up and down in front of a car?
Froglights.
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What did the grandfather ghoul say to his grandson?
You gruesome!
I sit in front if my ex in physics.
There used to be a lot of friction between us.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Reading is a novel idea.
Our backstage manager is leaving at the end of the year. He has been an outstanding member of our theatre team.
Props to him.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
My wife and I split up.
She got the “U” and I got the “P”
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins?
They have no common cents.
I used to fear giants.
Now I look up to them.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
Berries are the most fashionista of the fruits, they can really cherry off the wildest outfits.
Mix a box of mixed biscuits with a boxed biscuit mixer.
What do you call an emotionally unstable peanut? Peanut brittle
Where does a cow hang his best paintings? In a moo-seum, of course.
Strawberries are only made in the strawberry plant.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
A barber, a hairdresser, and Bigfoot walk into a bar...
You know what...I'm gonna shave this joke for another time.
Why do Ghosts avoid the rain? It dampens their spirits.
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