What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
An offer you can't understand.
A boy ghost thought a girl ghost was cute so he asked if she would be his ghoul-friend.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
Which tool does a peach biologist often use for its experiment? – A peachtree dish (Petri dish).
You don't know jack-o-lantern
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why is there only one?
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts.
ALDI’s nuts.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
Why is rain the best kind of music?
Because it has amazing drops.
French, French Revolution
Why didn’t Dr. Frankenstein ever make a second monster?
Because he just didn’t have the guts to do it again.
How does a vampire keep fit?
Batminton.
I can’t believe that during the attempted murder, John Crow, Russel Crow and Sheryl Crow were all in the room.
What did the giant say after he ate Fiji?
- I want Samoa!
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Rory’s lawn rake rarely rakes really right.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What happens when you go on an all-cheese diet?
You cheddar few pounds.
Two snowmen were standing in a yard. One asked the other, "Do you smell carrot?" The other snowman replied, "No, but I can taste coal."
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What do bread kids say during hide-and-seek?
Bready or not, here I crumb!
A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was/
I said, "You're a nervous Shrek."
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed?
Oh Sheet
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns!
Scissors sizzle, thistles sizzle.
Happy St. Cat-rick’s day!
What did the man say when his wife asked if he remember to get the coffee with icecream inside it?
“Sorry! Affogato!”
I'm worried that the milk I got this morning was from a cloned cow. It tasted exactly like the milk I had yesterday.
How do you draw flies?
With a pencil!
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
The innocent blueberry got easily framed for the crime because the evidence was a strawberry plant.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
Santa's beard is so long because he's bad at shaving. Why do you think they call him Saint Nick?
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
You’re the cutest clover in the patch.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
Go to BabaMail
