Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween?
The witches sweep the sky.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
A trip to Ireland is quite a cliffhanger.
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
You can’t predict wind speeds with certainty. The best you can do is make a gust-imate.
Wanna know why I like to do yard work?
It really takes the hedge off!
What do you call old horses?
Ancient roans.
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
I've got a really good vegetable pun.
I’d tell you but I’m worried you’d think it’s too corny.
Why shouldn’t you fart on elevators?
It’s wrong on so many levels.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
What do you call a rabbit who is angry over getting burnt? A hot cross bunny.
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
What did the Australian Chess player say about the mouldy bread?
"Stalemate."
Why was the burger sad after losing the race? Because the hotdog was the weiner.
I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the
Spanish Ink Quiz Session.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
Is your eyesight as bad as your cell phone reception? Because that was a terrible call.
Our daughter eats her corn one kernel at a time.
She's a unicorn.
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
Did you know that Beethoven's favorite fruit
Ba Na Na Naaa...Ba Na Na Naaa...
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
The refs kept calling interference, even though goalmouth incidents were in
de-crease.
A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
Leave poetry to the prose.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
An Iranian entrepreneur opened a copy shop.
It's called *Prints of Persia*.
Just bought my wife a refrigerator, for our Anniversary:
Cannot wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
Jack is a lovable man with a colorful personality. He is a great hue-man.
I thought my ballet-themed body art was unique
But then I saw someone who had a tutu tattoo, too.
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