Which basketball team is the favorite at the North Pole?
The New York Old Saint Knicks.
Let’s list the froze and cons.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
So I called her Bluff.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Q. Which dinosaur species has deep blue-green feathers?
A. Teal-Rex.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
How can you spot a fashionista donut?
They’re into all the latest glazes.
What do you call an elf who runs away from Santa's Workshop? A rebel without a Claus!
What's the difference between a knife and an argument with a man?
The knife has a point.
She had a photographic memory but never developed it.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
I love you so fairy much.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
A zoo owner introduced his tiger to the visitors by saying "this is the most paw-some tiger at the zoo".
Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
He didn’t want to split hairs.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to france from america?
"Son, we are now Europeants!"
I used to think that all radios had antennae, then I realized it was a stereo type.
What do you call a family member who works at a gas station? A pump-kin!
Where will you find an FBI sketch artist? In the bureau drawer.
“URINE: opposite of ‘you’re out.'”
Why is the moon so conceited at times?
It becomes full of itself.
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Are sasquatches superstitious?
Yes, they always knock on wood!
Footballers love one specific type of tea; penal-tea.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
Opposing coaches facing the Leafs in the 60s and 70s knew that Dave was the
one to Keon.
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
My bike chain got rusted. Then my whole bicycle broke down. It was a chain reaction.
The skeleton was scared of going skiing, he didn’t want to wrist it.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What's a cow's favorite moosical note? Beef-flat
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
What do you call an artist without a palette? Someone who makes paintings without taste.
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers. How many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you.
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
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