What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
I farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!
I’ll be your trick if you’ll be my treat.
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
I’ve got a great idea for an automatic orange peeling machine I hope it bares fruit.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
The dock keeps floating above the river because of the pier- pressure.
What did the player on the Bumblebee basketball team say after making a foul shot?
Hive Scored!
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
What did mother werewolf say to the naughty boy werewolf?
- We're werewolves, not swear-wolves.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
I'm reading a book called "The Yellow River"
It's written by I.P. Freely
Did you hear about the chicken who could only lay eggs in the winter?
She was no spring chicken.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
What do you call two guys with no arms and no legs and hang on the wall?
Curt 'n Rod.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
What did the maggot say to another?
What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this?
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
Don't worry, bee happy!
I miss the old days of railway when the engineer had plenty of esteem.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
Why are cars so cheeky?
Because they are fuel of it.
What hotel do cheese lover’s stay in?
The Stilton.
What is the best type of nut for your home wall decor? A walnut.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
After completing the deadline just in the nick of time, the artist breathed a cyan of relief.
Should you plant flowers in any month besides April?
May as well!
What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold? You'll be the end of me.
What is Bruce Lee’s favourite fruit? Wataaaaar melooooon?
What did the cat say when he ate the clownfish? This tastes a little funny!
Are you a cactus?
Because you're a prick
What did the baby cloud say to its mum when it rained? Sorry, mum, I couldn't hold it any longer.
What did the beaver say to his girlfriend?
Chew make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What do you call a punctual citrus fruit?
A Clockwork Orange.
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
What happened when the knife went for a drive?
It took a sharp turn.
What do you call a 1 cent coin in Italy?
A penne.
Why was the pizzeria desperate for business?
Because they kneaded the dough!
Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
She needed to makeup her mind!
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
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