What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
I like celebrating Fathers' Day, but I'm not a dad.
I guess I'm just a faux pas.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean.
What is an ogre's favorite snack?
Y-ogre-t.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
Summer went swimmingly this year.
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
I am lucky to live in an airport, but whenever the guard comes out at night, Heathrows me out.
Birch, please.
Who is the penguins favourite aunt?
Aunt Arctica
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
Why are volcanos so nice?
They lava you.
I would like to take a moment and thank my eyeballs.
Thanks for looking out for me.
Where did Noah keep his bees? In his archive.
What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?
No-Kia.
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
I caught the chef sticking his hand in the cooking pot. He looked at me and said...
"I was just feeling a little chili."
When potato chips don’t sell fast enough, the maker knows it will soon be crunch time.
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
I've decided to marry a pencil.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B!
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
There's a new film out about two insects that meet in Italy.
It's Rome ants.
What do you call a little ghost with a torn sheet? A hole-y terror.
What do you call a very active hydra?
Hydradynamic.
What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad!
I woke up this morning and saw two birds sitting in the sun in my backyard, eating ice cream.
They were Basking Robins.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
What kind of photos do turtles take?
Shell-fies.
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
Bruce Lee had a vegan brother,Broco Lee.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
How did the Native Americans get to America first?
They had reservations.
A cabbage said to a DJ “lettuce turnip the beet!”
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
What did the dinosaur say to his lover?
You make my heart saur!
How do flowers kiss?
With their tulips
What do you say to a twenty ton dinosaur with headphones on? Anything you want. He can't hear you.
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
Why didn't the lemon juice like the soap?
Because he was basic.
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