What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
I always have a souper time with you.
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
Why did the bus driver eat a burger? He wanted to 'bus-t' his energy!
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
Are you a 30 degree angle? Because you're acute-y.
Thirty-three thirsty, thundering thoroughbreds thumped Mr. Thurber on Thursday.
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
How do you beat a vampire at poker?
Raise the stakes!
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
IT’S A LIEEEEE!!
The walnut got in trouble for pecan through the window.
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
No more Mr. Knife guy.
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
What do we call a scientist who specializes in pineapples? He might be called a pineappleologist!
I applied to be a sperm donor recently and the nurse asked me if I could masturbate in the cup.
I told her I’ve done it a few times before but I don’t know if I’m ready to compete in a tournament.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots?
A bunch of mole-asses
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
Which lawn decorations move around from yard to yard?
Gnomads.
What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
A lot of William Shakespeare’s plays were based off of old Greek and Roman performances
That's playgarism if you ask me.
Why did the Green Giant lay down in the field?
So he could Rest in Peas.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
What type of egg refuses to come out of his shell?
An egg-arophobic.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
My friend was going to a painting competition, so I wished him, "Grey the force be with you".
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?