What does a cheese like to drink after a long day?
Morbier.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
What should you drink before you workout? Sweat-Tea.
Why did people stop going to the ghoul hospital?
They kept coming out dead!
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
If you poop in your sleep...
You have sleep crapnea.
At the baking competition in October, the chef said that he had eyes on the pies!
Which type of wine do horses request most often?
Chardon-neigh.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
"You make me egg-static."
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? 'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
I took a blood test today
It was easy. I got A+, and I didn't even have to study!
THE KRAKEN: Yes, I'd like to renew my lease, please.
LANDLORD: Re-lease the Kraken!
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
The main difference between a dog and a basketball player is that one dribbles while the other one drools.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? A Salad Shooter.
You make miso happy.
Two banks with different rates have a conflict of interest.
Where is the ghost going on holiday the next year? Lake Eerie.
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
Ghosts drop off their babies at the day-scare centre when they go to work.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever ?
My wife asked me to pass her lip balm.
I gave her superglue instead.
She's still not talking to me.
Autumn is full of pumpkins, it is a gourd-geous time of the year.
"I've found some bunny to love."
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland.
Everyone was spot on, you really did make a great theatre lighting tech.
Why did the ghoul bury the trophy?
Because he wanted it engraved!
I’m in pursuit of hoppiness.
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
Mountains aren't just funny.
They're hill areas.
How did the frog feel when he hurt his leg?
Unhoppy
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Turtles love taking shell-fies.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
Fall is coll-arding; it’s time to leave.
I've always wanted to become a podiatrist, but was made to train as a paediatrician first.
Baby steps.
How can you tell your dad joke is a dad joke?
It’s fully groan.
Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Kevin Bacon
What’s the biggest danger of building a snow dog?
Frostbite!
I think my heater is sick.
It's hot.
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
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