Where do connoisseurs lock up their best bottles?
In a wine cabernet.
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
“Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him.”
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What does a flower write on their valentine?
Aloe you vera much.
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
Why did the Easter Bunny go to the doctor?
It was time for his annual eggzam.
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you call an alien spaceship that's leaking water?
A crying saucer.
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
Snow joke, the weather is horrible today!
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
What did the flirty napking say to the dinner guests?
"Let me sit on your lap"
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
What happens when a hen eats gunpowder?
She lays hand gren-eggs.
There is no glory in practice, but without practice there can be no glory. This volleyball pun is very inspirational. For you to do your best, you have to be willing to practice.
If you make a mistake of playing basketball with pigs, they will hog the ball.
What happens to witches who break the school rules?
They get ex-spelled.
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
What can I say? I enjoy going to court.
So sue me.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
What's the problem with Father's day?
It always falls on Son-day
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
I made some fish tacos last night....
But they just ignored them and swam away.
Q: Why did the fruit go to the salon?
A: To peach her hair blonde.
Why don’t these children eat their soup? Because all of them is stew-pid.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Q: How do you make a blueberry?
A: You strangle a pea.
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