What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
Reading whilst sunbathing? You must be well-red!
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
Why was the chef surprised that anyone like her bread?
She thought it was crumby.
We’ve got serious chemistry.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
The peach couple is in love. They seem to be born for peach other.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
A bear covered in a bunch of crows gives the picture of a grizzly murder.
Why wasn't the bag boy allowed to work at the juice bar?
Because baggers cant be juicers.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
A coworker said, "Oh my gosh there's a mouse on your desk!"
To which, I replied "I know! And it's not working!"
I would talk about Valentine’s Day
But it looks like I missed my date.
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What kind of fish is only made of salt.
A tu-na.
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
I made Chinese for Easter dinner
If I had made Japanese it would have been Eastest Dinner.
What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses.
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
How did Reese eat her ice cream? Witherspoon.
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
Salty but sweet.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
Why don’t vampires use the front door?
Because they use the bat flap instead.
How do you leave any building in Spain?
You "follow salida lida lida..."
Did you hear about the lowest grade of steak? It's where the rubber meats the road.
Why did the little birdie go to the hospital?
To get tweetment.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
What kind of socks do you need to plant cayenne pepper? Garden hose!
Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing....
He found her to be possessive- and she hated his contractions. The marriage felt like a sentence
Why was the doctor doing diarrhia research scared?
He had seen some sh*t go down.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
How can you tell your dad joke is a dad joke?
It’s fully groan.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
What do skeletons complain about?
Aching bones.
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
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