-
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
Why was the koala scientist so well-respected by his peers? He was known for conducting excellent koalatative research.
Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
What do the ducks have for dinner? They have Quackers and soup.
I said to my son, "There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me."
He asked, "Which is?"
I replied, "Exactly!"
It's foolish for humans to try and take back the planet of the apes
Since they are incredibly good at gorilla warfare.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Being uncomfortable with any physical contact, I decided to rent the book “How to Hug” from the library.
Turns out it was Volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.
Why are witches good at farming?
Because they love occult-ivation.
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
A chap goes to see the doctor with salt on one ear and pepper on the other. The doctor says, “You need to start eating more sensibly”.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
I once convinced my younger brother to swallow a small lamp.
I got in so much trouble but it was worth it to see his little face light up.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
I think there's something wrong with the cactus I'm growing...
But I can't put my finger on it.
Snowmen decide on everything with a game of eeny, meeny, miny, snow.
Linda-Lou Lambert Loves Lemon Lollipop Lipgloss.
Werewolves love their fast food.
What did the football player say to the flight attendant?
"Put me in coach."
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist? His house was repossessed.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
I have an exciting new job as an explosives engineer blowing up mountains for tunnels and roads.
It's Groundbreaking work.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
Did you hear about the watchmaker who is half Spanish and half Irish?
His name is Juan O'Clock.
Why did you find a stoned able Sherlock Holmes applying ketchup to your front yard ??
Because he's a high-functioning sauce-your-path.
Man: "I’ve had really bad gas lately." Doctor: D"on’t worry, it will pass."
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
I rushed to my local hospital only to find that it had been converted into a library
Talk about having to suffer in silence
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
The walls in this tennis factory are so thin, that when I try to get some work done, all I hear is people making a racquet.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
A Blueberry asked a strawberry to go to hell.
That was berry rude of him
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
I asked my buddy if he wanted to know what the word “the” was in Spanish. He expressed his disinterest and I responded with...
"Your los."
Q. Why was the blonde disappointed after her visit to an apiary?
A. There weren't any gorillas there. DUH!
The nurse always carried a red pen in her pocket in case she needed to draw blood.
Q. What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A. A walkie talkie!
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
You can never make a crumble with just 3.14 strawberries because that would make a pi.
I spilled some acid on my aluminum fork and it dissolved…
but I didn’t mean to! It was an oxidant.
It is now a universal truth that actions speak louder than coaches.
Some people say Greece should stop using the euro as currency...
I think they're being over-drachmatic.
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
Why did the train have bubble gum? Because he wanted to go Choo Choo
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
My girlfriend was seasoning the soup. I asked, "What spice is that?", and she replied "Sage".
I said, "Sounds wise".
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
Go to BabaMail
