What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
I’m feelin’ green.
What did the oranges do after concluding the meeting?
They peeled the deal.
What did one lightbulb say to the other lightbulb on Valentine’s Day?
I love you watts.
Why was the software engineer bankrupt? He’d used all his cache.
I can relate to my computer so much. Even I go to sleep after 25mins of inactivity.
Q. Which African animal is the oldest?
A. The zebra. 'Cause it's in black and white.
How did the fruit get to Hawaii? The pineapple express.
What do you call a turd made by the captain of a vessel?
The Captain's Log
Variety is the ice of life.
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
What was the shark’s favorite Tim Burton film?
Edward Scissorfins.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
If only I could grow green stuff in my garden like I can in my refrigerator.
What happened to the football team that practiced in a corn field?
They got creamed!
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
Can I have some of your avocado?
GUAC NO! I give zero guacs! You need to guac off!
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
I tripped in France.
Eiffel over.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
My dad didn’t love me as a child, but I don’t really blame him.
I wasn’t born until he was an adult.
Which noble man loves sitting at a round table?
Sir Cumference
Why did the chicken join a band?
Because it already had drumsticks.
What do you say to a pensive flower?
A peony for your thoughts?
Beauty is only pig skin deep
Red lorry, yellow lorry.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
I like playing chess with old people in the park, but it gets hard to find 32 of them each time.
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
Why do workers at the dairy factory always need a charger? Their milk is stuck at 1%.
Busy buzzing bumble bees.
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Treat yo shelves.
Best in snow.
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
The stage is the most hygienic place in the world. Every time we turn on the lights they get a wash.
What do the squirrels do when they are bored ?
watch NutFlix
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
Why did the squirrel go to kola-nary school? Because it had pines to be a chef.
What is a neuroscientist's favorite type of dog?
A labratory retriever.
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