The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
Round and round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
I was washing the car with my son, until he said...
“Dad, please, can’t you just use a sponge?”
Did you hear about the egg laden rabbit who jumps off bridges? He’s the Easter Bungee!
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
What do you give a train driver for Christmas? Platform shoes!
A spider, a snake, and a kangaroo walk into a bar…
It’s a normal day in Australia.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
This palace is a breath of fresh heir!
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
Becoming a space pilot is not easy. It requires a good altitude.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Why do the blondes prefer to have se* instead of bowling?
The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.
In a conversation between one pin and another, one said, “Let us never split.”
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
I have so mushroom in my heart for you.
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
Why was the skeleton so lonely?
He had no body.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
You will always have
a pizza of my heart.
A rare black tiger is spotted in India
Everywhere else it has stripes.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
What’s black and white, black and white, and black and white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano? You can't tuna fish.
What do you tell a cheese going through a hard time?
Ricotta get through this.
Two racquets started dating. Unfortunately, one was stringing the other along without any intention of tying the knot.
Wine if you must. It’s not good to bottle up your emotions.
A lion would never cheat on its wife.
But a Tiger wood.
Where do bats keep their money?
The blood bank.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What did the ghost say to the bee
“BOOBEE”
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
As a nurse, I have a patient who is very rude...
He's ill-mannered.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
The spoiled milk always got what it wanted.
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