How do berries start off the fruity olympics? They cherry the Olympic torch around the globe.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
"Oh, I wanna dance with some bunny, with some bunny who loves me."
You are just like my car because you drive me crazy.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
After the Moroccan scored a Hat-trick, the players gathered for the fez-off.
I was cracking some lame fall puns when my friend commented, "Gosh, you are acorny person!"
I was named after my dad
Because I couldn’t possibly have been named before him.
I’m feelin’ pine.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecast?
It’s the clam before the storm.
Why did the portrait artist take a side job as a census taker? Because he was great at canvassing people.
Not to brag, but I beat the state chess champion in less than 5 moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Tony, where do I even starch? I yam so happy we’re best spuds!
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
Why did the ghoul eat a light bulb?
Because it wanted a light snack!
What did one lightbulb say to the other lightbulb on Valentine’s Day?
I love you watts.
Why did the tooth see a therapist?
To get to the root of their problems.
Why did they arrest the volleyball player? They suspected foul play.
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
If you're keen on stunning kites and cunning stunts,
buy a cunning stunning stunt kite.
She saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure she saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa?
Spending time at the pool really floats my boat.
Why did Santa put a clock in his sleigh? He wanted to see time fly!
Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?
Teargas.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws?
He was given two consecutive sentences.
Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
When is the course too wet to play golf?
When your golf cart capsizes.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
What do vets call a paralyzed squirrel? A busted nut.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
Wanna know a way for werewolves to howl other than the full moon?
Make them stub their toe.
What does the ski bum do when the chairlift line is too long?
He's gondola top of the mountain.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
What do u get from a perverted apple? Hard Cider.
A werewolf that is confused on what to wear is not a dumb one, instead it is a what-to-wear-wolf.
My wife showed me two of her mother’s quilts and asked me which one I preferred.
I said, “I refuse to make blanket statements.”
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
Did you hear about the Frenchman who jumped into the river in Paris?
He was declared to be in Seine.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
The pilot was lucky. He always had work. Whenever he made an application, it was almost certain that he would land a job.
Took a tour of Pisa, Italy...
Tour guide said “Hello, my name is Eileen.”
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
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