Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
I hate getting tide down in one place. So let's take an ad-van-ture.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Why did the bucket bounce?
Because it was filled with spring water.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces? A toastie ghostie.
My collection of Swiss watches was stolen in Spain.
Adios Omegas.
What do you call a serial killer on acid?
Jack the tripper.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
When the ghost blew his nose, lots of boo-gers came out.
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
Fork: "Who was that ladle I saw you with last night?"
Spoon: "That was no ladle. That was my knife."
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
I was offered a job as a gardener, but I didn’t take it because the celery was too low.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Oh buoy – we’re having a splash bash!
An idea is one of the worst killers of vampires. They don't see it coming, and then it dawns on them.
Did you hear the joke about the donut? Probably not, it was crummy!
Struggle with your Children's Math homework?
Apparently it's quite common in five out of every four homes.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
We failed to find the dog's bone because the owner berried it.
What do you call a bee that makes a milk?
Boo-bee
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
What did the beaver say when it saw it's home on fire?
Hot Dam!
What do you call a yeti with a sixpack?
The abdominable snowman.
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
Why can't a brain be 12 inches long?
Becuase then it would be a foot.
What is the capital of Greece?
G.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
Girls just wanna have sun.
What do you call a reindeer ghost? A cari-boo!
What do witches in Australia ride?
Broomerangs.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
I was walking home last night through the park, when this scary looking kid drew a knife on me...
The little brat used a permanent marker and it was a bastard to wash it off.
What do you get if you cross a witch with a werewolf?
A mad dog that chases airplanes!
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
How do koalas stay in shape? They do bearobics.
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