What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
What do you call a berry that plays the trumpet? A tooty fruity!
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
What do frogs do when they ski?
They rip it.
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
Why is it always easy for vampires to find their better halves?
Because it’s always love at first bite.
A tutor who tooted the flute tried to teach two young tooters to toot. Said the two to the tutor, ‘Is it harder to toot, or to tutor two tooters to toot?
How does the spinal cord hammer a nail into a wall?
With a series of spinal taps.
How do two rival forests get along? They sign a peace tree-ty!
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Why did the banana go to see the doctor? The banana was not peeling very well.
Look for a rainbow connection.
There are 3 rings in a failed marriage: engagement ring, wedding ring...
And suffering...
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
What do you call an onion that carries electromagnetic waves? A photonion.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
Whats the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moonday.
After a good summer fling, it’s time to fall in love.
Are there any funny red wine puns at BabaMail Jokes?
You bet Shiraz there are!
Who is the corniest baseball player of all time?
Ty Cobb!
Where are werewolf movies made?
Howl-lywood.
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped in gum?
He got stuck in Orbit.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
If art became imprisoned we'd have to Freda art.
Which vegetable is most likely to be your friend?
The broccoli.
Soup is only musical when it is piping hot.
If anyone has any advice for cosmetic surgery that’s gone terribly wrong...
My wife is all ears.
What goes eek, eek, bang?
A mouse in a minefield!
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Can you name 10 dinosaurs in 10 seconds? Yes, 8 Iguanadons and 2 Stegasaurus.
What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!
Never take a flamingo to the local swimming baths. They really don’t like claw-rine.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
We are mint to be.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
My father was a blind carpenter
until he picked up his hammer and saw.
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
What side of the mug is the handle on?
The outside.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
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