What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
I took a walk down by the river the other day and I heard two birds speaking Spanish...
Turns out they were Portu-Geese.
What do you call a werewolf who cuts down trees?
A timber wolf.
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
Witches get so excited to decorate their cauldron because their favorite hobby is witchcraft.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
The ghoul didn't get his letter on time because it got lost at the ghost office.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
I’ve got a urinal that just won’t get serious...
It’s always taking the piss.
My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine. I added fruit and orange juice, and now she sangria than ever!
What do you say when you want to break the ice with someone?
Ice to meet you!
What Twix do you have up your sleeve that makes me love you?
Q: What time is it when a tiger walks into the room?
A: Time to get out of the room.
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
What did snow white say when she came out of the photo booth?
Some day my prints will come.
Why did the vegetable thief wet his pants?
Because he took a leek!
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his dessert? Cause he was stuffed.
Why did the deer go to the spa?
“To doe off some steam!”
Why did the blonde skier cut a hole near the top of her boyfriend's ski parka?
She wanted to give him the cold shoulder.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Synonym rolls: just like grammar used to make.
What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring? Because he heard it was 18 carrots.
What do cheese makers dance to on halloween? The muenster mash!
Why are tomatoes the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What all kinds of stars wear the sunglasses? The movie stars.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
What did the rabbit say to its wife? No bunny compares to you.
Woman turned down the marriage proposal of a gardener. She wasn't ready to shear her life with him.
A lot of people can't figure out the right way to dry their towels.
It's just something they tend to get hung up on.
My chair finally broke down yesterday.
It just doesn't give a sit anymore.
So I asked my Spanish friend if he knew where fish lived.
He said "Si."
The last time I wanted to go bowling, all the pins were on strike. So I just stayed at home and watched TV instead.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What do you call a Rabbi who works with solvents?
An acidic Jew.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
Where do you learn about bones?
Osteoclasst.
If you're alone and get too cold, you might become ice-olated.
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