When the going gets tough, let the pins fall where they may.
What kind of jewelry do witches wear?
Charm bracelets.
What do you call the Earth when it is quaking?
Shakesphere.
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
A plate of sandwiches walks into a bar. The barman says “we don’t serve food”.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
What does a chicken need to lay an egg every day?
Hen-durance.
If you think that your phone, laptop, microwave and fridge spying on you is bad
Then you should know that your vaccum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for a while .
Why do Jack-o-lanterns have silly smiles on their faces? You'd have a silly smile, too, if you had just had all your brains scooped out!
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
How do blind folks buy homes in hot markets?
Sight unseen.
Where do cows write down their most intimate thoughts? Inside of their dairy.
What do you call glia when it is happy?
Smyelin.
Why did everyone want to go to Italy during World War II?
They were Fascistanating.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Which superstar has a nose for the puck? Mario the Magsniffascent.
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
Why did the two slices of bread disappear in the middle of the night? They wanted to e-loaf together.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
What did the tortilla chip say to the guacamole?
“You are all I avo wanted.”
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
The soup that my mom made for dinner healed my flu in a day. It was almost soup-er natural.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
Artists are colorful people who know how to draw on their emotions.
I sent back the soup served to me at the restaurant. It was not of soup-reme quality.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
What did the baby corn say to the mother corn?
Where's popcorn?
You are the best, I feel so peachy when I am with you!
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
The computer wanted to get out of the house, so it used the Windows.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
Have you ever heard of the Poder bird?
It is also known as the Toucan
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
What’s the best time of year to break out the trampoline?
Spring-time!
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
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