I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
51. What does a car yell when something goes wrong?
‘Jesus Chrysler!’
Why are koala's so sleepy? Because you just got to be tired being so darn cute all day!
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
My girlfriend brought 50,000 bees and put them in our backyard.
She's a keeper.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
One bowl of soup said to the other, "Hello Broth-er".
I feel tail great!
What type of music should you play at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Sham-rock!
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
My email password has been hacked again
That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
Wine Lovers Rhyme: A friend of wine is a friend of mine!
When a ship or Vikings suddenly vanishes
There's a disturbance in the Norse
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
What’s the difference between a horse and wet weather?
One reigns up and the other rains down.
How do you know when a potato is high? When it looks baked!
When the drivers ran out of fuel in the grassland, they refueled their tanks with grass-oline!
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
Apples and oranges had a conversation one day. Guess what the apples were saying the oranges, nothing stupid, apples don’t talk.
I've been feeling really down recently so I thought I'd cheer myself up by making a nice cheese and pickle sandwich.
But when I picked up the pickle jar, it said "reject if depressed", so now I'm off to take an overdose.
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
What football team do energy providers root for the most?
The Chargers.
My dad was fixing the basin in the bathroom and accidentally broke some tiles.
My mother said, "I told you that method would be fewtile".
How do you make a million dollars in real estate?
You start out with two million.
What pickup line did the flower use on Tinder?
Are you a DAMNdelion?
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
You mermaid to go far.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
"You had me at merlot."
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
A bomb goes of in a cheese shop.
You can see da brie everywhere.
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