Why do painters always fall for their models?
Because they love them with all of their art.
There was a bald man who married his comb.
He promised, “I’ll never part with it!”
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
What do you call corn with red, white and blue kernels?
Americorn.
What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?It’s been nice gnawing you.
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
What do you call a fake Irish stone?
A shamrock.
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River? The Amazon River actually has sails.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What is a sharks favorite kinda sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish!
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
When you go with an army general onto a bowling alley, he will start bowling even before you enter his name on the scoreboard.
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What do you call a lineup of food with lots of garlicky dishes?
Buffet the Vampire Slayer!
What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?
Fore-get-me-nots.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
For meatier showers.
An Australian chess player went into a restaurant and ordered food. After having his food , the waiter asked him "Cash or Credit , Sir?"
He said "Cheque , mate."
What is a criminal group of kangaroos called?
A gangaroo.
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
I love lamps.
They're so enlightening.
What is a sleeping brain's favorite musical group (rock band)?
REM.
I don't understand why Bed Bath & Beyond is considered a non-essential business.
Don't they carry essential oils?
What kind of day ends with no toilet paper?
A bidet.
Why didn’t the lady skeleton wear a bikini?
Because she was big boned.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
Puns make me numb, but math puns make me...
Number.
The pirate steals arrrrt when he has the chance.
When the ghost went to a fancy restaurant, he decided to wear a boo-tie.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
I’m not a bad putter…
I just can’t catch a break.
What is the Abominable Snowman's favourite type of cup?
A yeti.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
What did the pig say to his friend who had been cheated upon?
Please don't go bacon this relationship.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
I accidentally mixed up the words 'Jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' online.
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
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