What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
What kind of candy makes fun of you? Tootsie Trolls.
Why don’t readers have extra time? They’re booked.
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
If your mom slaps you with high frequency -
It Hertz
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
A pile of books fall onto Sean Connery's head
He exclaims: "I only have my shelf to blame!"
My friend can't afford expensive art, she has no Monet.
There’s a big difference between yoga and pie-lattes.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
“Oh, deer! Christmas is here!”
Which tooth did Avogadro have pulled?
One of his mole-ars
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
What did one bread lover say to the other?
Before I break down and rye, I want you to know that I loaf you.
What do you call a skull without 86 billion neurons?
A no brainer.
A friend of mine swallowed some food colouring. He feels he dyed a little inside.
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
I whale always love you.
You know what’s odd?
Every other number.
A bowl of salad went to church
Lettuce pray.
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
Where does a potato go to college? DeFry
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Remind your kids not to overdo it on the pumpkin pie this time of year.
Or they might get autumn'y ache.
What do you say to a bee that bothers you?
"Buzz off!"
I was gonna make a river joke, but I don't think it's current.
What did the deer say to her daughter?
“Soon you’ll be all doe-n up!”
I should change my name to Billy and get a job as a radio show presenter.
Then I can finally be a Billy-on-air.
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
Within the labyrinthine bureaucracy prowls the deadly Adminotaur.
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. It’s Dublin every day.
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
I gave someone directions to a theater today
I guess I am a movie director now.
My mother's mother hit the jackpot at the BINGO!!!
She's a grammy winner!
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
My friend impresses girls by drawing realistic pictures of trucks. He's a pickup artist!
I saved a tiny baby crow and now he won't leave, I guess you could say he's mi-cro.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
Who’s a llama’s favorite composer?
Wolfgang Llamadeus Mozart.
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