What is American football called in other countries?
30.48 cm ball.
Why do Minotaurs make terrible detectives?
Because they hate to go on steak-outs!
Seven days without playing soccer can make one weak.
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
Dr. Frankenstein must have been pretty buff.
He was a bodybuilder, after all.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
Wondering about a peach's favorite sci-fi novel? It's 'When You Peach Me'.
Pan wants to lead his kind to rebellion, but...
He can't get no Satyr Faction.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
How does an elf get to Santa's workshop? By icicle.
Live to tell the tail.
The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.
I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your Halloween bag?
They can lighten your load!
Have you heard about the new his & hers toothpaste?
The flavor is "mint to be".
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus.
My Microwave is a Liar. On the front it says "30-60 Seconds for a Hot Dog."
I keep running that thing for minutes on end but I never get a Hot Dog to come out.
One-one was a race horse. Two-two was one too. One-one won one race. Two-two won one too.
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
Easter and April Fools fall on the same day this year...
You could say it only happens once in a blue moon.
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
What do you call a rapper working at Cold Stone? Scoop Dogg.
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
I'm a supervillain from Italy, I have the power to infect people with deadly diseases.
It’s-a-me, Malario.
What do ghosts drink on St Patricks Day?
BOOs.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Tomorrow the planet will be one year older..
Happy bEarthday!
The reason why bowling alleys are so quiet is such that you can hear a pin drop.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
How many birds does it take to change a light bulb?
Normally three, but Toucan.
What is a vegan Viking called?
A Norvegan.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
Whale, hello there.
Clean water is like password
Not everyone has access to it.
What did the first thunderstorm of the year say?
Hail to the spring!
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
Lots of peas work as spies. Espea-onage is very common.
Why is rain the best kind of music?
Because it has amazing drops.
Why wouldn’t the reporter leave the mashed potatoes alone? He desperately wanted a scoop.
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
What kind of spells do leprechauns use?
Lucky Charms!
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