4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
Believe in your elf.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
When do they smother a burrito in cheese? In best queso scenario.
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Both tournament directors published the schedule at the same time. It was a draw.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
Cows that travel alone?
Never herd of them!
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
"I have so many egg puns, it's not even bunny."
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What do runners do when they forget something?
They jog their memory!
The river turned out to be a great party guy because he just went with the flow.
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
The next person that asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade, and a slice of orange all in the same glass is gonna get a “punch.
A disappointed Dad tells a knock-knock joke to his teenage son: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're a mountain." "You're a mountain, who?" "You're a mountain to nothing, son!"
What do you call an alert ant?
Vigil-ant.
Did you hear about the pick-up artist who only ever wears green leaves on his head? Yeah, he’s definitely a pineapple smoothie.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallow, and nuts.
I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
Why did the thief steal a pig? Because he was a hamburglar.
"Now he's just some bunny that I used to know."
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
Why does Mr. Potato need a cell phone? Incase Mr. Onion Rings.
What are pig criminals known for? Pigpockets.
Why these days, the Moon is up till so late? Don’t worry, it is just going through a phase.
What is a pink bird's favorite dance? Flamin-tango.
How much far can you see with your naked eyes, on a clear day? 92,955,807 miles (to the sun).
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
Doctor, Doctor! I'm terrified of words that are also letters!
Oh you are? I see. Why?
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Chopping down other people’s cherry trees is definitely frowned upon. However, you likely won’t get into too much trouble for it – as long as you keep hold of the axe!
I had an instant connection with someone in South Korea. I think they're my Seoul mate.
I am on the train and a light just came on saying the toilet is engaged.
Congratulations, toilet!
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
My family is all worried about my addiction to dot to dot puzzles. It's OK though...
I know where to draw the line.
There’s an old oak near my house that’s always surrounded by fog.
I don’t know why, it’s a mist tree.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
My wife and my friends are sick of my puns about The Abominable Snowman.
Yeti keep cracking them.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
Fruit puns intended
Does he avacado? Because If not you should let that mango.
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
What do you call a cow that has 2 legs? Side of beef
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
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