I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
Why do pumpkins never quarrel? Because they have no stomach for fighting.
What do you get when you cross two fish with two elephants?
A pair of swimming trunks.
The tree got so tired of fighting with autumn, that he said, "Enough is enough! I'm leaf-ing".
What did the man say after he came out of the walk-in freezer?
"That experience was chilling."
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?
FORE!
What do lawyers snack on?
Plea-nuts.
If practice makes perfect and perfect needs practice, I’m perfectly practiced and practically perfect.
Why did the thieves kidnap the monkey?
Because they believed in gibbon take.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
Everyone remembers the common hieroglyphics grammar rule...
Eye before flea, except after sea.
One trick peony.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
What did the river say when it saw beavers for the first time? “Well, I’ll be dammed.”
What do you call a dinosaur that got stuck in the rain?
A driplodocus.
Changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
I am pretty sure that the favourite soup of Dracula is the Scream of tomato.
"Some bunny needs vodka."
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
Why do bacon lettuce and tomatoes have the lowest IQ out of all the foods?
Because they're in-bred.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
Why was the painter upset when his doctor bought all of his paintings? The doctor thought the paintings would go up in value after his death.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
The wind had such a great time. You could say it had a blast.
What do you call a fast broomstick?
A vroom-stick.
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
I've started a new band called "Blanket".
We're a cover band
What do math and history have in common?
They both teach people about inequalities.
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
How does bread win over friends?
“You can crust me.”
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
What's an inmates favorite place to hangout? At the bars.
A friend of mine was describing an exotic bird to me and asked what was orange and sounded like a parrot. I told him, "A carrot".
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
As soon as you find someone who has bees, marry them.
That’s how you know they're a keeper!
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
How is bacon like southern Europe?
It's got a lot of Greece in it.
What is the shortest month of the year?
M-A-Y.
Go to BabaMail
