A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a pool?
Bob.
What's the difference between a bipolar person and a loft full of lemons?
One's a bit erratic and the other's a bitter attic.
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
What do you call a sad cup of coffee? A depresso.
This Halloween I'm gourd out of my mind!
Every time when I see a picture of something amazing in space, I usually say “That’s totally far out.”
The summer sun makes me as happy as a clam at high tide.
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
Teaching babies to walk is hard, but you just have take it one step at a time.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
Two European frogs discuss their ancestry
"So, are you a complete french frog?"
"No. I'm a tad-pole."
You are aged to perfection.
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
Independ-ant.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
Sad to hear that Baron von Frankenstein has given up on his dream of being an actor.
He couldn’t get the parts.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
Did you hear about the man who drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He was dragged down by a currant..
A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Someone threw a jar of mayo at me
I yelled what the Hellmann?!
What do you call a ghoul who sits too close to the fire?
A toasty ghosty.
I felt sad for my brother's computer being overclocked because I heard the processor say, "Stop it! It hertz so much!".
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
When is a pumpkin not a pumpkin? When you drop it; then it's squash!
It’s time to think outside the pizza box.
What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
Why don`t ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they would quack up.
At a meeting, Mr. Tomato asked Mr. Peach, "Can you give me the peach cobbler's number, I need to mend my shoes".
I saw the Liberty Bell.
It's not all it's cracked up to be.
What's it called when a buffalo turns two hundred years old?
A Bisontennial!
It's not the cough that carries you off,
it's the coffin they carry you off in!
What do you call a dinosaur that eats fireworks? A dino-mite
When we put our two hearts together, we can’t be beat.
How do you make dog bread? You use collie flour.
There's snow place like the mountains in winter.
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
How does the moon take a bath?
It has meteor showers!
I know a man whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters: Summer, April, and Haley.
The young loaf of bread ended up getting fired from his job because he kept loafing around. Poor guy.
Why are neuroanatomy classes the smartest?
They have lots of brains.
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
Go to BabaMail
