What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
Why do you only drive automatics?
‘I could never find a manual.’
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drink coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye.
The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
My friend has a cold storage device that will discuss philosophical issues. It's a deep freezer.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
A tree's limbs fell off in a storm, now it's an amputree.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
Who are the cousins of the werewolf?
What-wolf and When-wolf
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What tree monster prowls the forest?
Frankenpine.
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
I went to the Red Cross to donate blood.
They threw me out and said "We don't want your type here!"
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
I was on the way to the gorcer when I remembered, I need to put toothpaste on the grocery list.
My dad said, "Don't do that! It'll be all messy!"
What do you call a guy who only rides children's bicycles?
A pedalphile
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
When you write copy you have the right to copyright the copy you write.
My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication
It's for Hispanic attacks.
I pitcher us together forever.
What do aliens prefer to drink?
Gravi-tea.
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
Q: What's a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister
What did the beaver say to the river? You can run but can't tide.
What did you just call me? Just because we’re Dark Chocolate does not give you the right to call us “Snickers”.That’s OUR word.
One-one was a race horse.
Two-two was one too.
One-one won one race.
Two-two won one too.
Phil told me about what lights up a light bulb.
But I didn’t know what Phil-a-meant.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
How does Santa capture photos? With his North Pole-oroid.
I knew a vampire who became a poet.
He went from bat to verse.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
Once upon a time I was accidentally made a priest.
It was a clerical error.
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire.
It was a hot mess
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
Did you see that all the snow and ice are melting?
I thaw!
What do you say when you want to break the ice with someone?
Ice to meet you!
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
The tiger came went to the salon. Now, other animals of the jungle call him 'Shaved Khan.'
Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock?
Because it was marble cake!
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