Why did the fruit bat eat the orange?
“Because it had appeal.”
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.
However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
I just won local "Worst Body Odor Contest".
No one else came close.
Did you hear about the love affair between sugar and cream? It was icing on the cake.
A cheese factory exploded in France...
da brie is everywhere.
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
Someone said, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
So I through a dictionary at them.
Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.
The earth's rotation really makes my day.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
Scientist are shocked after discovery of a new african bee species that can keep on flying even after their heart stops.
Local tribes in fear of a zombee apocalypse
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he’s not a conductor!
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
A mother mountain says to her moody teenage mountain “don’t you give me that altitude!!”
Why do wookies love chocolate chip cookies? Because they are chewy.
I’m chocolate to my appointment!
I asked my nectarine friend how she was doing after her break up and she said 'It's the pits, man.'
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
What did the salad lover say to his girlfriend?
You will Romaine in my heart forever.
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
One-one was a race horse.
Two-two was one too.
One-one won one race.
Two-two won one too.
What is a dentist’s favorite hymn?
Crown Him with Many Crowns
I would tell a time travel joke,
but you didn't like it.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What is the name of the car that passes through the narrow stream of the river? Fjord.
Did Cyclops the X-man play hockey? Yes, he enjoyed lasing up the skates.
I hired a landscape gardener today.
He couldn’t help me — my garden is a portrait.
Why did the donut start going to therapy? It couldn’t get over the feeling that something was missing — it never felt hole!
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
What do you give a dog with a fever?… Mustard, it’s the best thing for a hot dog.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
What happened to the patient who refused to get a much-needed transplant?
He had a change of heart.
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
Why shouldn’t you let advanced math intimidate you?
It’s really as easy as pi!
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